Stress or Success at High School by Dr. David Rainham

Teacher: "You can't sleep in my class." Student: "If you didn't talk so much, I could".

It's 'back to stress' time for students! High school should be a great experience, but today's students face huge demands - increasing amounts of schoolwork, a rapidly changing curriculum, assignment deadlines and exams. They must worry about choosing a career and a post secondary program, and try to balance schoolwork with sports, hobbies and social life.

There may be conflicts with family - and sometimes friends, and they have to cope with concerns about appearance, fitting in with a peer group, and also handle relationships and sexuality. Money is often a worry, as is dealing with issues of alcohol and drugs - not to mention the fear of violence. Imagine dealing with all this while undergoing rapid physical and emotional changes - all without the benefit of life experience!

Parents often feel stressed and frustrated too - even if they see the difficulties their teens face they still have to deal with mood swings, sullen silences, rudeness and worry about their teen going 'off the rails'. It may help to realize that the brains of teens are physically different from adults, they don't see life in the same way, and they react differently - but eventually this phase will pass. Whatever discipline technique you use, these tips may help:

* Treat them with respect - accept and love them unconditionally.

* Help them recognise their emotions - and empathise with them.

* Set a good example in dealing with your own problems

* Be available to spend time and really listen to them

* Set limits according to their maturity

* Help them take responsibility, learn from mistakes and find solutions to problems.

Teens seem to cope better and enjoy life more if they are involved in sports and hobbies, which is more likely if these have been encouraged from an early age and involve things they like, not what the parent wants. Instead of nagging them to do something, say "What club/sport/activity are you thinking of joining/doing.". Volunteer work doesn't just look good on a resume - it reduces stress and makes people feel better about themselves. If a teen will not become involved in wholesome activities - identify the barriers and help them find solutions.

Parents can teach or encourage many stress-reducing skills such as:

* Balancing time - setting goals and priorities, trying to stay ahead of schoolwork from day one (if possible, reduce TV time and negotiate money arrangements that limit the amount of part-time work).

* Effective worrying, which involves writing down all stresses - then brainstorming solutions and making specific plans for action.

It can help if one parent exercises or plays a sport with the teen - and don't forget family meetings to discuss and resolve problems. Shared laughter reduces tension and puts things in perspective. Schools often provide information on stress-related topics such as communication, relaxation and memory techniques.

Prolonged stress too often can lead to depression and even thoughts of suicide, so if your teen seems totally overloaded, withdrawn or especially hopeless about life, talk to their teacher and guidance counsellor - and seriously consider professional family counselling, sooner rather than later. By understanding what they face, we can help teens live with their emotions, develop coping strategies, and build on their talents so that they leave high school ready to take on the new challenges of adult life.